Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Life's a Chess Game

Forward one step, jump two spaces then promptly go left, move diagonally and finally move any direction you want-- but only one step at a time.

I think my life is like a chess game.



Which is pretty funny, since I am really miserable at chess.  I think I have trouble seeing the bigger picture on occasion.  Things like -- oh, if I take his pawn then in 2 moves I'll be wide open with a downed king.  That sort of stuff. 

So it's a little comforting to know that someone else seems to be playing my life chess game on my behalf.

Way back in May, when I first began to investigate the adoption of a waiting child, there was one boy's photo that popped out at me before any others.  I can't post it here yet, but I looked at Max and my heart sort-of melted.  He had ears like my Granaddaddy's and a smile that lit up the computer screen.  

My photo of this little guy allowed me to "see" all of the other children who needed parents as much as Jason and I need them.

Then, of course, I was a little bit pregnant (see the "Backstory" page up above) and my little chess pieces took a flying leap off the board.  As Jason and I returned to the idea of adopting, I looked at the photo of this little guy often -- along with a few others.  But the fact is that Jason and I have learned of necessity to be a little careful with our hearts and so we waited to settle on a single child until we were pretty far along in the process.

We narrowed it down to a couple little guys, each of them cuter than the last.

Then Max disappeared.

We didn't know what happened to him -- I rather hoped that he had been adopted by a local family, but no one knew anything.

We set our sights on Yale and kept going.  It's a strange thing to fall in love with someone's picture.  I've done it a few times now, after all, starting with Jason!  But the two of us fell in love with Yale, let me tell you!  When we got the call that his relatives had decided to adopt him, we were crushed.  Even knowing that this would work out better for him in the long run, we cried for a couple days straight.

When we were ready, the orphanage sent us information on two other little boys that are there right now.

One of them was Max.

Someone is playing chess with my life, and I promise you that it isn't me.  For the last several years Jason and I have asked ourselves again and again to what extent God really reaches down into our lives and tweaks things on our behalf.  For a very, very, very long time my answer to that question has been along the lines of not bloody often enough.  Loss after loss after loss, it was pretty hard to believe that anyone was up there listening.  Again and again Jason pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps and just kept going, not really knowing  where to put our feet next.  Falling in love with Yale was a choice in so many ways.  With so many other children out there, how do you decide which one belongs in your family?  Jason and I agonized over it.

Finding Max again -- having him found for me -- was not a choice.  It was a gift.

We are leaving to meet him in ten days.  Ten days.


I tell you, someone else is moving my chess pieces for me.




3 comments:

  1. I hope it's a great trip. I want to see lots of pics. Have fun and best wishes over there!!

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  2. Cat and Jason,
    I cannot believe your story! As someone who has also struggled with infertility, I can totally relate to all you are saying. I think the life lesson Josh and I learned is what you have learned as well- We are not in charge and someone has a greater plan for us. I'm sorry that this experience has thrown you so many curve balls! Best of luck meeting Max! I can't wait to read all about it!
    Much love,
    Liz England

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  3. Congrats, Cat and Jason! Reading about Max gave me goosebumps. Good luck with the trip and my fingers are crossed and double crossed that all will work out.

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