Thursday, November 17, 2011

Expectations

Jason and I met almost 9 years ago.

Online.

We met in person for the first time in the Detroit Airport on Valentine's Day a couple months later.  I had borrowed a cute red sweater from my roommate.  He was wearing blue and white Adidas sneakers (really, this is the very first thing I saw when he came down the escalator!).

I spent that weekend trying to reconcile the Jason sitting on the couch watching TV with me to the Jason that I had been IM-ing and talking to on the phone with for weeks.  It was a surreal experience, coming to know someone in their entirety that I had previously only known in part.  It made me nervous and a little unsure of myself.

Obviously I wasn't unsure for very long -- I mean we were engaged by Memorial Day, for crying out loud!

I have been thinking a lot about that experience as we get ourselves ready to meet Max this week.  I have four photos of him.  He looks sweet and charming in each one.  His eyes are surprisingly bright for a child who has been living in an orphanage.  It's hard not to create a series of expectations about him based on such a flimsy foundation.  (You try it.  Really.  It's harder than you think!)

And since I am desperate to know who he is, it's really hard for me not to imagine that moment when we finally meet.  In the interests of keeping my expectations realistic I try to at least imagine every permutation of this meeting.  In most of these he is nervous but warms up after a few hours or days.  In others he is a social butterfly that takes our hand as soon as we walk in the door.  In others he freaks out a wails for the entire time.  Sometimes he sleeps.  Sometimes we leave exhausted because we can't keep up.

But I know -- know -- that these are trips of my imagination and nothing more.  I know that when I get there that I will look at him (just as I looked at his dad) with a wrinkled brow thinking, "Who are you?"

I just hope that by the time I come home that I might have a few answers to that question.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so excited for you guys. The unknowns must be giving you some sleepless nights, but it's not very often that you get to meet your child for the first time! Good luck!

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  2. I promise you I am going to cry when I see those pictures. Just like I am when Lora meets Tanner for the first time! I can't wait to see and hear all about it!

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