Sunday, November 4, 2012

Blank Spot

(Nov 3) This will be a short post since we are still getting everyone in the family back on their feet in the post-Sandy world.  But I figure I already missed yesterday and two days in a row...well dang, I just plead extenuating circumstances.

But I had an interesting adoption-related experience today that I thought I would share.

I think it is tempting to look at a newborn as a "blank slate" of sorts.  I don't actually think they are -- I firmly believe that most of our temperament and talent is in fact inborn and waiting to be discovered.  It's just that babies are.. well... kind-of blobs.

When you adopt even a slightly older child (Max was 2 1/4 when he came home) the idea of the "blank slate" is more of a "blank spot."  There are whole years of Max's life that I know nothing about -- and likely never will.  As time passes, even his memories of the first two years are slowly going to fade away.  This makes me a bit sad -- and so I treasure every moment where I can see him accessing those memories.

Today it was about a hat.

A very cute lion hat that I got out for the first time in months since it is finally getting cold out.

He took one look at it, hesitated for a moment, and said, "Russia."

Why?  Take a peek:

...leaving the baby home... the hotel getting ready to go out for a walk... the park...

...taking a walk to see the cars...

It's a pretty distinctive hat and it probably has some crazy memories for him -- good, bad, and well, just plain crazy.

At least he was happy to wear the hat this afternoon.  I tell myself that's a good thing.  But dang I wish I could see inside his little mind at moments like this.

But I can't.

And all too soon I know that it will all be a blank spot.

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